I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
