She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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