Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
