i may or may not be watching the land before time
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
