I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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