He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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