Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
