Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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