you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
