i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
