Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
