my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
