Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
