Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
