once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
