normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
please don't ironically join a cult
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