don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize