OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
