True but thats because hes a fetus.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize