it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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