I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
