drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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