Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
