Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
