this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Semen is not good for contacts.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
