She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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