dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
