Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
