Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
