So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got inside last night via doggy door
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
