Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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