I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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