you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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