If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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