I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
