that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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