he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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