Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
