it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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