I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
