Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize