My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
