The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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