she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
