I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize