i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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