party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
