I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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