I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
