Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
