you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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