Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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