Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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