Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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