I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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