Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
