my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
