Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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