Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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