I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
