Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
