I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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