Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
