Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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