I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize