You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
