I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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