The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
