Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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