Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
