it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
