Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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