Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
